How often during the day are you THERE but not really there??

 

You know what I’m talking about right?

 

You’re at work and you’re supposed to be starting this new project but instead, you keep switching between Facebook and IG.

 

In the back of your mind, you’re wondering when everyone is going to figure out that you’re a giant fraud and have no idea what you’re doing and zoning out on social media feels so much better than admitting that you’re totally overwhelmed.

 

Or you’re out with friends and you’re smiling and nodding and sort of participating in the conversation but really you’re comparing yourself to them.

 

God, how does she eat so little and stay so thin?

Why am I not as far along career wise as she is?

She’s so much prettier and more likable than I am.

 

Or you’re at the park with your kids but instead of running around and playing you’re running through your to-do list for today and yesterday and next week.

 

You’re beating yourself up for being a shitty mom and wondering why you don’t have more energy and patience.

 

And that train of thought makes you feel shitty so you numb out for a while on FB.

 

I’ve been there.

 

Your brain is going 1000 miles a minute and while you want to shut it off, get off autopilot and really focus and be with the people that you’re with you’re pretty much on another planet.

 

It sucks.

 

It makes you feel like you’re not a good enough employee, friend, mom.

 

It makes you feel like you’re not a good enough person and it can feel impossible to break free.

The good news it IS possible.

 

To start, we have to understand that being lost in our minds makes us miserable.

 

When you’re stuck in your thoughts, when you’re not present and living in the NOW - you’re pretty much guaranteed to feel all kinds of anxious, stressed, disconnected, on edge, sad, weighed down, and depressed.

 

That’s because the only thing that we really have, the only way to tap into our source of joy and happiness, is the PRESENT MOMENT.

 

Your life is this moment, right now.

 

In the present moment (assuming you’re not in the middle of gunfire or a physical attack), assuming you’re going through your day to day life you have everything that you need.

 

You’re safe. You have access to food and water, you’re breathing, you’re alive.

 

It’s when we move out of that present space - into the future or past in our thoughts that pain sets in.

 

Eckhart Tolle tells us that “Unease, anxiety, tension, stress, worry - all forms of fear - are caused by too much future, and not enough presence. Guilt, regret, resentment, grievances, sadness, bitterness, and all forms of nonforgiveness are caused by too much past, and not enough presence.”

 

As soon as you can step back into the present moment, when you can completely be and act out of that space - unhappiness ceases.

This is easy when we’re sitting on the beach, margarita in hand, listening to the waves crash.

 

That’s a moment where we don’t mind being present.  

 

But most of our everyday life isn’t sunning ourselves on the beach. Sometimes it’s much much worse.

 

Maybe you’ve just lost your job or can’t find one, a loved one has passed away, or you’re feeling disconnected and fighting constantly with your partner.

 

Maybe you’re battling a chronic illness or pain or you’re feeling totally lost in your career and like you have no purpose.

 

That’s not sitting on a beach.

 

With those challenging experiences come all kinds of unpleasant feelings -  fear, anger, vulnerability, betrayal, anxiety, stress, sadness and depression.

 

When you feel unpleasant emotions you want to be WAY un-present because they hurt.

 

They don’t feel good. No one wants to really experience them.

 

This thing is, the reason we don’t like the “negative” emotions is that we assume if we were to experience that feeling or situation in the present we’d be accepting it.

 

We fear it would overtake us.

 

So instead of being present to it we stuff it down, check out, distract ourselves as much as possible.

 

The only problem is when we do that, it doesn’t go away.

 

Now it’s there - in your subconscious, popping up when you least want it.

 

The reality is, the thing that I want you to get, if you can be present to that feeling or experience, and fully acknowledge it for what it is, then you get to decide if you want to stay in it or if you want to change it!

 

“Yes this is what I’m experiencing and it’s hard,” and “Yes this is what I’m experiencing and it’s hard, and I can’t do anything about it.” are two very different things.

 

Give yourself permission to fully be in the uncomfortable.

 

When you fully be present with the uncomfortable it brings about a kind of wholeness, peace, and completeness.

 

AND it allows you to fully process the thought or experience and move on.

 

Tuning into the present moment, getting out of your head and really experiencing what's happening to you RIGHT now is the key to so much peace, calm, confidence and radical joy.

 

So but like, how do ya do that?

 

Like anything, it's a  habit that takes practice. There are several tools and exercises that you can use to start building the habit.

1) Meditation, meditation, meditation.

 

Meditation is so powerful because it’s what helps us to bring awareness to all of these thoughts.

 

It helps us to say ‘Oh hey look, I'm not in the moment anymore. I've checked out. I've gone down this tangent where I'm beating myself up again telling myself the same old story.’

 

Meditation is what helps us to become aware of all that we have and to find stillness and pause within.

 

There are many different ways to meditate - the simplest is to take 5 long, slow breaths.

 

Inhale and as you’re inhaling focus solely on the sensation of the air entering your nostrils and filling your chest and stomach.

 

Exhale fully focusing only on the sensation of the air leaving the body.

 

Repeat five times.

 

Giving yourself that space to quiet the thoughts, to connect with your breath, and to come back to the present moment is POWERFUL and it only takes 5 breaths.

 

2) Practice daily mindfulness challenges.

 

Meditation and deep breathing aren’t the only ways to tune back into the present moment.

 

You can build your mindfulness muscle and practice the habit by challenging yourself to tune in daily to even the most boring or mundane tasks like washing the dishes, waiting in line, or folding laundry.

 

While going through your chore, challenge yourself to be as mindful and present as possible.

 

Instead of turning on music, watching TV or checking out mentally, notice how high your shoulders are. Feel the water running over your hands. Play with the temperature of the water. Notice how you’re standing, where your weight is distributed. Notice if there’s a pattern in how you wash the dishes.

 

This is a chance for you to quiet the noise, get really present,  and to just tune into what you are doing there in that moment.

 

This is a simple practice you can use multiple times a day to get out of your head and tune back into what’s really happening.

 

Meditation, deep breathing, and daily mindfulness challenges are three of my favorite tools to help BUILD THE HABIT of staying present and tuning into the now.

 

Like any habit, the more regularly you practice them the more naturally they come.

 

This is this is just the tip of the iceberg of the tools that you have available to really take control of your depression and anxiety so that you can get out of your head and really step into that purposeful, present and connected life you’re craving.

 

If you'd like more tools, tips, resources AND you'd love it broken down for you in daily, manageable chunks, then come check out the 14-Day Mindset Reset!

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