3 Reasons You Never Feel Like You’re Enough
If you're anything like the badass women that I work with...
Chances are you might be feeling a lil stuck in your head at the moment.
You are SERIOUS about your work, feeling like you're creating an impact on the world (and making that next level money), showing up present and in the moment with your family, and all-around feeling like your life is well-lived.
You may also be noticing that despite these big dreams and tastes of it being possible, you're feeling StReSsEd out, swirling in your head, and straight-up doubting your abilities.
You might be noticing that your anxiety is through the roof lately escalating to migraines, panic attacks or insomnia.
This...
a) obviously feels like shit, and
b) is supremely frustrating when ALL you really want is to feel enough, to move those big feelings through your body and come back again and again to the work and goals that light you up.
You are SO not alone in this.
In fact, the number one reason women come to work with me is that they feel paralyzed by that looming feeling of never enoughness.
They're educated, intelligent, high achieving, and highly accomplished by society's standards.
But no matter what they DO, no matter how much they accomplish, they never quite feel good enough. There's always a lingering feeling of not being smart, pretty, skinny, talented, kind or loveable ENOUGH.
Why on earth are so many intelligent women stuck feeling this way, even when they consciously know it isn't true?
There are several answers that we're going to dive into over the next few weeks.
One big one that I want to address today is the consequences of living in a patriarchal society.
That's right, it's the patriarchy's fault.
Theory suggests that our culture shifted to a male-dominated society between 6 and 12 thousand years ago.
That's generation after generation of women learning explicitly and implicitly that they are, in oh so many ways, LESS than.
While we've seen certainly advancements with women securing places in government and other forms of leadership, we're still inundated with daily messages of our culture's impossible and conflicting expectations.
- Love your body, but really only if it's pretty. Be strong, but not too bulky and thin but not too skinny. Don't be that girl that just eats a salad, but don't be gross either.
- Speak up and share your opinion, but not too much, you don't want come off as bitchy. You're being needy. If you want something, just ask for it. Don't ask for more than you deserve.
- Have a career, pursue what you're passionate about! Also have kids and be the best mom possible. You need time off to be with your kids? You're not taking your job seriously. You send your kids to daycare? What kind of a mom are you?
- Be sexy. But not too sexy. And only for your partner. Feel GOOD in your body, but don't show too much of it off. What a slut. She's so prude.
- Your feelings are valid. When they're convenient. Don't be so emotional. Be rational, that's what's most important.
From the time you were two years old, you've been hit with messages telling you who to be, how to feel, dress, speak, and act in order to be considered enough.
These messages and beliefs have been passed down for generations - in what our mothers, grandmothers, and teachers modeled to us as 'good and appropriate behavior and in what we see in movies, TV, and social media.
The story that says 'I'm not enough' serves the patriarchy perfectly in that it keeps women small, compliant, and never stepping fully into their own power.
Part of rewriting that story is recognizing that it wasn't even ours, to begin with.
Stay tuned for next week where we dive into how past trauma affects our feelings of enoughness and what to do about it!
>>>>Questions to Sit With <<<<
- When did I first decide that I wasn't enough? Who told me that or influenced that decision?
- If I truly believed that I am so much more than enough, what would I do, change, or step into? What about that scares me?
- How is believing that I'm not enough protecting me and keeping me safe?
I'd love to hear what this brought up for you!
If you need a little help remembering that on the regular, come join us in the Rebel Alchemy Club. When you join, in addition to group coaching calls, sisterhood circles, and the 10 module Rebel Alchemy Pathway Course, you also become a member of a powerful community of women.
Women here to cheer you on, remind you of your truth ad challenge you to show up for yourself, each and every day. What are you waiting for? Come join us today!